Sucked at Scary: An "Apartment 1303" Review

Don’t watch this movie.

Seriously. Don’t. I’m not saying this because it will scare the hell out of you and give you sleepless nights, but because this movie sucks so much it’s not even worth watching it for free. In fact, it sucks so badly that I’m going to tell you one more time and so bluntly, please…don’t watch this movie.

You know one of those movies where you see the first scene and you know right then and there that it will suck all throughout? Apartment 1303 is one of these and would be the best example. Based on the novel of Japanese writer Kei Oishi, the movie I watched is the US-Canadian remake of the Japanese film of the same name. This movie is basically a haunted apartment story. Janet (Julianne Michelle) moves out of the house she shares with her sister Lana (Mischa Barton) and their mother Maddie (Rebecca De Mornay). She gets her own apartment which (surprise, surprise) turns out to be haunted.

The alcoholic mom...who sucks even at being an alcoholic

I couldn’t find any element of the movie that I liked. The script was very poor (it’s actually the first thing I wrote on my notes), the acting was amateur, and the plot was not something we haven’t heard of before. The only time that I tried to focus on the movie was when there was a sex scene (ahem), but even that was poorly executed and not sexy at all even for sex scene standards. I was actually laughing for the most part of the film. The scenes and the movie’s effort at being scary was so ridiculous it felt like I was watching Scary Movie. And I know it’s not just me because the other people in the theatre were also laughing instead of getting scared. Gosh, I've seen scarier videos on Youtube!

It would also seem that character development was not given priority in the making of this film. We pretty much get the background of the three leads, that that the two girls are not getting along with their mom who was also a depressed alcoholic. But there were also other nuisance characters in the background who didn’t really feel like they needed to be there. We don’t find out who they are, what they are, and why they are in the movie in the first place. Even the ghost haunting the apartment wasn’t well developed; it feels like it was put there just for the sake of having a ghost in the story.

Ghost on a toilet LOL

I don't even know why this girl was in the movie

The lead characters are also detached from each other, both script-wise and acting-wise. It feels like every actor was acting on their own, and not really connecting the other characters and to the story.

Forgive me for saying this but this movie is just a waste of time (and money if you made the unfortunate mistake of buying a ticket for it). I was actually itching to leave the cinema asap and spend my precious time on something else, I dunno maybe make another failed attempt to go to the gym. Yes, even this is more worth doing that seeing this movie.

You're fighting a ghost with a knife???

Okay honestly I haven’t seen the Japanese version of the film, so I cannot say if it’s better or if it sucked as much. I can definitely guarantee though that the English version is miserable. It’s not even worth reviewing but I’m making this review to warn good readers like you and keep you from making the mistake of buying a ticket to this. Yep, you can thank me later. 

Geoffrey Ledesma